Meet Carter

Cancer will touch each and every one of us in our lifetime.

I have recently become a member of the Love Hope Strength team by taking part in Pikes Peak Rocks. On July 31^st, I will join 200 musicians, cancer survivors and supporters for a symbolic musical trek to the 14,000ft summit of Colorado’s Pikes Peak. The money I raise will be used to support Love Hope Strength’s GET ON THE LIST campaign to locate more Bone marrow donors in the United States.

As many of you know I lost my son, Carter “Boo” Brotherton, to a rare genetic blood disorder called I-Cell disease in December of last year. “Boo” was a living example of Love! Hope! Strength! Although he didn’t have cancer, we learned first hand the trials and tribulations children with cancer go through when he underwent an experimental bone marrow transplant in January of 2008. We also learned how important bone marrow donors were to these kids who without a donor would be facing almost certain death, but with the right match would have an opportunity at a normal life cancer-free. In an effort to honor my “Boo” and other children with similar uphill battles, we have created Team Carter “Boo”. And almost fittingly we have our own Uphill battle of our own and we…they…need your help!

Please support me, and Love Hope Strength, by making a tax-deductible donation to help raise much needed funding to save lives around the world.

Please Visit  www.lovehopestrength.org/site/team-carter/ and here you can meet the hikers of Team Carter “Boo” as well as make a direct donation to our cause. Be it a $5 donation or $500 donation it all helps! Also as a bonus for every $50 donated to our cause you will be entered in a raffel for some awesome prizes including a signed autographed jersey of Colorado Avs player paul stastney!

The Love Hope Strength Foundation (LHS) raises funds and awareness for cancer centers around the world through music-related events and promotions. Specifically, LHS supplies much needed testing and treatment equipment to cancer centers, raises awareness of global cancer issues and registers people to international bone marrow registries to find matches for patients in need.

Every day people die of cancer because they did not have access to basic screening and treatment, could not find a bone marrow donor or they were not aware of the signs of cancer. In the last 3 years, The Love Hope Strength Foundation purchased the first mammography machine and radiation treatment machine for the country of Nepal, funded a mobile cancer unit in Peru, registered 5,000 people to the national marrow database resulting in 30 matches and broadcasted their events to over 11 million viewers on their website to raise awareness.  This was made possible, in part, through the support of people like you.  

Thank you in advance for joining me in the battle against cancer. Learn more about Pikes Peak Rocks and other LHS events at www.lovehopestrength.org. 

Warmest regards,

Daddy Fizz

Hi Boo…I can’t believe it’s been six long months since we sat and played together, I gave you a bath and we cuddled on the couch. It seems like an eternity since you called out, “daddy”,  I miss that so much, I looked forward to coming home to hear you say it and it hasn’t been the same… I think you would be proud of us though and I feel like you have really been giving us added strength each and everyday. Mom has started nursing school, can you believe that? She just passed her first two electives and I think she even surprised her self, but we both knew she could do it, she just needed a little help from you to go for it.  I’ve recently started a new job, and it has been a great fit for me. The people are great and so is the job, It has given me a little confidence to build on, and I can feel you and see your great smile more clearly since I started.

I miss you so much Boo, and since today is 6 months since we last spoke, I just wanted to share some wonderful poems that were shared with me to help us, not move on, just have some peace with you leaving. I hope that we will see each other soon in my dreams.

Oh, I almost forgot, I going to be making a trek to the top of the world, (ok not the top of the world, but pretty close) Pikes Peak Rocks is July 31st and I’m getting together a team Carter to make the trek, and good news, you’re coming with. We’re going to carry you all the way up to the top so that we can bring you spirit and body that much closer, as we ascent to the heaven here on earth.

Any way, here are some great poems that have helped me and I just wanted to share them with you, I hope you are doing well, I miss you so much, and I will always love you… Mommy says Hi and of course she wants you to know that she loves you so much.  Take care.

Dele Giwa

By Olufisayo Gale

We stand here today
Because we notice
Acknowledge a void
In time and space
In thought and reason
We feel it
Emptiness in our lives
He is gone
And even now so long after
The tears flow too readily
They do not stop
They do not pause
They see no reason to
There is no reason to
The pain remains, ever as strong
We stand here today
Because we acknowledge
The loss of your presence
And we acknowledge
There is nothing we can do
But pay homage and rejoice in
Our only true joy
We knew you
You graced our world
You taught us

And the angels are calling

I must go away

Wait for me here

Silently stay

And don’t ask me why

Only believe

this is no goodbye.

Piece of My Heart

By Daniel Montrey

Today we all say goodbye,

No answers or good reason

Just the thougth of why

No first steps, or being awaken by your cries late at night

No grumbles, about the size of you appetite

No fights over whose turn it is,

Mine, hers, one of the kids

No bottle washers, baby wipes, or grandma luvs me bibs

No teething rings, or little thing, that can cause you harm

Just left to ponder about what might have been

although our time was biref, today I lose a friend

I was told that God picks angels to sit by His side

I know when he picked you, he had to have cried

A Light taken before it had a chance to shine

It was said you needed a better heart

Well today you take a piece of mine.

Please stay in my heart and mind Boo, give us strength to move forward and please come visit me when you have time.

Love Daddy!

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

A few more weeks go by and I feel like a lifetime of change as come and gone and momentum lost and gained again, but still find myself lost trying frantically to reach the top of a falling rope ladder that has is just about to come loose from the side of the cliff. With each rung, I grasp….grasp…grasp….only to find myself amazingly no where near the top. (good news: it seems to be attached to something). Ninety days has come and gone since Boo left his world to go play in the garden of god or become a strong, persistent, “Koa” of a whale in the ocean or has found his soul resurrected in a new body here on earth to help spread joy and happiness to more… I just never, never, never will know. I like to think it has a little bit to do with all three so maybe that is what’s good for me to believe? You, know to help me reach the top of the falling ladder?

See the passing of a love one will do that to you, make you think, maybe make you think to much?  See i think it makes you think too much about yourself!  Let me tell you something there is a fiiiiine line to “learning” about yourself and “thinking” about yourself. I’ve done a lot of both… the problem with that is you sometime forget about others…sometime even about the one you are grieving for.

So over the last month I started to realize I learned a few things about myself  like…. I’m stronger than I thought, but much weaker than you think.     I really think that i could of been a pretty good car salesman, just at a different time in my life.      I miss my son and he was everything to me.         I was a great dad.  I surrounded myself with an amazing core of people, including my wife, family and friends (especially  my wife, who I would of fallen much harder if it wasn’t for her).

Also over the last month I thought about me a lot… here is what I thought and am thinking…. I think about what other people think too much.   I think that I might be loosing touch on who I am anymore because I think i don’t know what to do with my life with out my son.     I think I don’t know what the hell i am writing about half the time I write on this blog anymore? I think this is helping me? I think, I think, I think life would be much better if you didn’t think about yourself so much.

Hmmmmmmmmm……….Hmmmmmmmmmmm…….WOW………………..when I think about it….. I think I might have just made a little sense…… just a sec, let me think abou………. ooooohhhhh.. you know what I am trying to say!

So what to do when you don’t want to think any more?     Go out and get a new job and take a roadtrip!

Yea that’s right, I quit my job where self thinking was a job requirement and went back to what I know and can do well… mingle and be social, how do you do that, well through fine intervention (thanks Boo).  I found a new job managing at a very successful restaurant downtown, called Marlowe’s and am working with some old friends. It’s been a bit of a change, but all for the good and I am excited to have this wonderful opportunity.

So to celebrate, Deni and I decided to run off to San Francisco to see some old and very GOOD friends.  Deni got the chance to max and relax in a nice hotel with her good highschool friends, Alyssa and Simone… I on the other hand jetted across the bay to “Hang with the Hunter’s” Rachael, Jeff, James and of course “Little Lilly” it was a joy to hang out with them, I hadn’t seen them since shortly after Carter’s service and they are such very, very good people who always fill my life with well “life”   Hunter took me out on the town, and low and behold there was Jilly Mac and we watched us some great music, drank some beers and just let thoughts and time melt away, if only for a few days, it felt like an eternity. I just wanted to thank you all for hosting us both it was so much fun.   I wish i had some photos to post, but still one thing I haven’t been too hot on lately. I guess I don’t have much motivation to document this time in my life….at least not yet, but I think that will come soon.

With all good times, they must come to an end, and I’m not going to lie… coming back was hard, harder than it ever has coming back from a trip. I think there was some guilt and sorrow that brought me down a little harder…. but Im still working on that…until next time.

Remember…. Daddy and Mommyfizz love you Boo and misses you everyday!

www.rarediseaseday.us
Mission:
Join the movement today and take action!

On the last day of February each year, the rare disease community comes together to raise awareness and celebrate our shared strength. NORD (National Organization for Rare Disorders) and our partner organizations proudly sponsor U.S. Rare Disease Day.

Some facts from NORD about rare diseases:

• A rare or “orphan” disease affects fewer than 200,000 people in the United States.

• There are more than 6,000 rare diseases.

• Approximately 30 million Americans (about 10%) are affected by a rare disease.

We all come together on Rare Disease Day to:

• Raise awareness about rare disease

• Champion research efforts toward development of new treatments

• Support provision of resources for patients and families

Together we can make a difference.
Alone we are rare. Together we are strong.

Take action Now:

Write Your Governor
http://www.rarediseaseday.us/rdd/take-action/write-your-governor/

Become a Partner
http://rarediseaseday.us/rdd/take-action/become-a-partner/

As we approach the two month mark since we lost our boy, I’ve learned a lot about my friends, my family, my wife, and my self. The one thing that stands out, is everyone handles grief differently. Some handle it internally, some externally. Some handle it with emotions, some are stoic. Some handle it bad, some good. Some decide to handle it, some don’t. The fact is that grief is personal. It’s born from within and normally develops within ones psychy until one day…BLAM!  It’s released or better yet revealed, kind of like a second personality in a schizo’. It consumes you and takes over your existing personality. It’s wierd because it seems to create thoughts of hate, doubt, fear, guilt, loneliness, anger, suicide, helplessness, and most of all darkness. Some would say that these are all evil in nature, and thoughts like this are unhealthy, but ironically we have to go through grief to heal. You know when grief reaveals it self, it’s normally due to a life changing, monumentally bad frickin’ time in one’s life that is associated with loss…you would think that to overcome that loss that you would immediately feel a sense of love, happiness, warmth, etc… to get you through an already dark time. NO! greif comes out and consumes you and if you can make it through the darkness…well let’s just say what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!

Grief is so personal, that other people don’t have the right to tell you how to handle your grief… PERIOD! You must battle it alone, no matter how bad you want to believe that you are not alone, you are. Don’t get me wrong, hopefully the ones who love you will be there to bring you out of the darkness at times, but the battle continues and at this point I just don’t know when it will end. Personally, my grief is the size of a gorilla on steroids who played Major League Baseball in the late 90’s, and he is really whacking the hell out of the ball directly into my mid-section (if that makes sense).  Luckily some people nicknamed me the Silverback and this old ape isn’t going down without a fight.

Yea… personally, I choose to fight!

LOVE YOU BOO!

It’s so hard to let go! To think that for as long as I live I won’t be able to hold you in my arms again is so hard to fathom. You were everything to me, you were my life, and then you were gone. Everyday I wish for your strength because my grief of loosing you, makes me think about you more than ever. It’s amazing how many things in a day remind me of you. Unfortunately these are memories now…and some our very painful, but I am trying to think of our joyful times (I ask you for the strength little Boo to help me think of the joyful times more please)… the little boys I see out with their dads & moms; a Jack Johnson song; a diaper commercial; the smell of baby wipes; your swing in the backyard; your little Poo bear; my mom; your mom; our house; your clothes; your toys; your pictures; your voice; your smell; friends having babies; friends with babies; the sound of an abulance siren; blue eyes; beautiful smiles; playing ball; your dogs Oz & “Barkie”; Sundays (they will never be the same); football; kisses; crying; car seats; strollers…. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think about you every day, every hour, every minute, every second…. I can only tell you again how much I miss you and again how much I love you… I hope that I will be able to turn this love and expressions of gratitude for the joy that you brought me the past three years into something that will make you proud of me… for right now I am a little lost without you. Daddy Love You Boo! 

I put this together for Carter’s service.  I’ve been meaning to post this for sometime, finally got to it.

I wanted to post these beautiful lyrics to the song by Dave Matthews “My Baby Blue”. The first time I heard this song I thought he created this song for me. I knew immediately that I would hear this song at my son’s service…I love and miss you so much, that I just can’t stand it!!!! I would do anything to hold my Boo again and hear him say “Dada!” again. Trying to find the strength to move forward, but its so hard to move forward when all you want to do is go backwards.

My Baby Blue by Dave Matthews…

Confess your kiss
Still knocks me off my legs.
The first time I saw you
Was like a punch right through my chest.

I will forever, ’cause you forever be,
My one true broken heart.
Pieces inside of me.
And you forever, baby.

You will, rest your head,
Your strength won’t save anything.
When you wake, you will fly away
Holding tight to the legs of all your angles.

Goodbye my love,
Into your blue, blue eyes.
Your blue, blue world.
You’re my baby blue.

Come fast I’m not quite
Ready to be left.
Still I know I gave my love all the best.
You give, you give to this I can attest.

You made me, you made me,
You and me forever baby.
You will rest your head.
Your strength won’t save me.
And when you wake,
You will fly away
Holding tight to the legs of all your angels.

Goodbye, my love.
Into your blue, blue eyes,
In your blue, blue world.

You and me forever.

“You and me forever”  We love you Boo!

If I could reverse time...

I would go back to the day you were born.

I would go to every day you smiled and showed me your baby blue eyes.

I would take that extra day off to be with you.

If I could erase time…

I would erase all the memories of you in pain.

I would erase all the memories I have with out you.

I would erase all the times my anger of your illness made me blind

for special uniqueness of life and love you brought to us.

If I could change the past…

I guess I wouldn’t.

Because you were brought here for a reason….

to be you…My Boo, an earthly angel of love, strength, courage and inspiration.

No matter the Time we spent together it was special to me, and forever will be.

My Boo…. Daddy Loves You!