Meet Carter

There’s been good days and bad days.

Happy days and sad days.

Fun days and boring days.

Quiet days and LOUD days.

Sunny days and cloudy days.

Sober days and drunk days.

But for some reason, short days seem like long days… I can remember my last day with you 18 months ago like it was yesterday, but it feels like an eternity since I’ve snuggled with you on the couch, heard you laugh and say “da da!” Watched you roll around on the ground and play catch. Watched you bounce up and down in your bouncy chair and watch football with you mommy and daddy.

Time has no meaning, when your missing someone so much. You tend to get lost in time going from memory to memory of being together… some times I forget where I am altogether.

Mommies day is this Sunday, and she misses you so much! She blows you kisses day and night, we hope you get them in a bunch.  I know we will do our best to live in the day and remember how special you ARE to us and how proud we are to call you our son, warrior, “boo”… you have touched so much… and we love you, we do!

I look forward to getting lost some more in those special memories…just wish I could get lost in snuggling with you my “boo”!

Love you very much,

Daddy and Mommy!

The Oak Tree

A mighty wind

Blew night and day

It stole the oak tree’s leaves away

Then snapped its boughs

And pulled its bark

Until the oak was tired and stark

But still the oak tree held its ground

While other trees fell all around

The weary wind gave up and spoke

How can you still be standing Oak

The oak tree said, I know that you

Can break each branch of mine in two

Carry every leaf away

Shake my limbs, and make me sway

But I have roots stretched in the earth

Growing stronger since my birth

You’ll never touch them, for you see

They are the deepest part of me

Until today, I wasn’t sure

Of just how much I could endure

But now I’ve found, with thanks to you

I’m stronger than I ever knew

~ Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr. ~

Hi Boo…We have had the opportunity to meet a lot of amazing people that have children who are “Heroes” in their parents eyes just as you were to us. Unfortunately there are so many of them that need all the strength and courage and hope they can get as they struggle with daily life with a sick child with a terminal illness, as I haven’t been able to make sense of it… all I can do is ask that you look over them all and grant them with the Heroic strength and courage you showed us in such a little time on this earth! I believe that this is why you were here and now are gone… they need your help, so please go to them and touch them with your smile and give them comfort that things will be alright if not just for a moment in their day today.

I miss you a lot… my life is broken with out you, but what is broken can be fixed… I just need to tap a 1/16th of your strength to do so. I know you graced me with your presence this morning and I wanted to say I really appreciated it.

I love you!

Daddyfizz

Hey little Boo…just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you.

Seconds turn into minutes…minutes into hours…hours into days…days into months…months into years.

But there isn’t a time I’ve let you leave my mind.

My heart is broken and it’s slow to heal.

It’s hard to look for positive ways to feel.

My days are cloudy and dark, except for those times I feel your spark.

I miss those days. I hate this haze. I wish it was just a phase.

I continually look for signs of your smile…perhaps in a butterfly…or beautiful flower.

I hear your laugh almost every hour.

Please come to visit me in my dreams, as I need a SEE you my cute Carter Bean.

—DaddyFizz

I love you so much Boo… Miss you more than ever!

Do’s and Don’ts…For Friends of Bereaved Parents

View more webinars from J.O.S.H. foundation.

I’m afraid that memories fade,

And those memories will come back to haunt me one day.

My heart is in pieces and all I can say is “I hope will be together someday.”

The darkness lingers on with momentary flashes of light. I see your smile it brings me might.

I’m afraid my life won’t be the same and I’m ashamed that I can’t be more of a man,

I desire more courage and strength that you had in a twinkle of your baby blue eyes.

I’m afraid to move forward because the farther I move forward, the farther I am from you.

As I approach your fourth bday I only have one wish, and that is it was your third,

I would kiss you and hug you and tell you how much I love you.

I so afraid! I’m so afraid!

I miss you so much I can barely stand, but I think of your strength in your smile, and I, try on a smile

and think of how special you are to the world and how many you touched!

I’m afraid they will forget you, so I will try to live for you and try to be courageous and be your hero as you were mine!

I love u!

Love Daddy!

Cancer will touch each and every one of us in our lifetime.

I have recently become a member of the Love Hope Strength team by taking part in Pikes Peak Rocks. On July 31^st, I will join 200 musicians, cancer survivors and supporters for a symbolic musical trek to the 14,000ft summit of Colorado’s Pikes Peak. The money I raise will be used to support Love Hope Strength’s GET ON THE LIST campaign to locate more Bone marrow donors in the United States.

As many of you know I lost my son, Carter “Boo” Brotherton, to a rare genetic blood disorder called I-Cell disease in December of last year. “Boo” was a living example of Love! Hope! Strength! Although he didn’t have cancer, we learned first hand the trials and tribulations children with cancer go through when he underwent an experimental bone marrow transplant in January of 2008. We also learned how important bone marrow donors were to these kids who without a donor would be facing almost certain death, but with the right match would have an opportunity at a normal life cancer-free. In an effort to honor my “Boo” and other children with similar uphill battles, we have created Team Carter “Boo”. And almost fittingly we have our own Uphill battle of our own and we…they…need your help!

Please support me, and Love Hope Strength, by making a tax-deductible donation to help raise much needed funding to save lives around the world.

Please Visit  www.lovehopestrength.org/site/team-carter/ and here you can meet the hikers of Team Carter “Boo” as well as make a direct donation to our cause. Be it a $5 donation or $500 donation it all helps! Also as a bonus for every $50 donated to our cause you will be entered in a raffel for some awesome prizes including a signed autographed jersey of Colorado Avs player paul stastney!

The Love Hope Strength Foundation (LHS) raises funds and awareness for cancer centers around the world through music-related events and promotions. Specifically, LHS supplies much needed testing and treatment equipment to cancer centers, raises awareness of global cancer issues and registers people to international bone marrow registries to find matches for patients in need.

Every day people die of cancer because they did not have access to basic screening and treatment, could not find a bone marrow donor or they were not aware of the signs of cancer. In the last 3 years, The Love Hope Strength Foundation purchased the first mammography machine and radiation treatment machine for the country of Nepal, funded a mobile cancer unit in Peru, registered 5,000 people to the national marrow database resulting in 30 matches and broadcasted their events to over 11 million viewers on their website to raise awareness.  This was made possible, in part, through the support of people like you.  

Thank you in advance for joining me in the battle against cancer. Learn more about Pikes Peak Rocks and other LHS events at www.lovehopestrength.org. 

Warmest regards,

Daddy Fizz

Hi Boo…I can’t believe it’s been six long months since we sat and played together, I gave you a bath and we cuddled on the couch. It seems like an eternity since you called out, “daddy”,  I miss that so much, I looked forward to coming home to hear you say it and it hasn’t been the same… I think you would be proud of us though and I feel like you have really been giving us added strength each and everyday. Mom has started nursing school, can you believe that? She just passed her first two electives and I think she even surprised her self, but we both knew she could do it, she just needed a little help from you to go for it.  I’ve recently started a new job, and it has been a great fit for me. The people are great and so is the job, It has given me a little confidence to build on, and I can feel you and see your great smile more clearly since I started.

I miss you so much Boo, and since today is 6 months since we last spoke, I just wanted to share some wonderful poems that were shared with me to help us, not move on, just have some peace with you leaving. I hope that we will see each other soon in my dreams.

Oh, I almost forgot, I going to be making a trek to the top of the world, (ok not the top of the world, but pretty close) Pikes Peak Rocks is July 31st and I’m getting together a team Carter to make the trek, and good news, you’re coming with. We’re going to carry you all the way up to the top so that we can bring you spirit and body that much closer, as we ascent to the heaven here on earth.

Any way, here are some great poems that have helped me and I just wanted to share them with you, I hope you are doing well, I miss you so much, and I will always love you… Mommy says Hi and of course she wants you to know that she loves you so much.  Take care.

Dele Giwa

By Olufisayo Gale

We stand here today
Because we notice
Acknowledge a void
In time and space
In thought and reason
We feel it
Emptiness in our lives
He is gone
And even now so long after
The tears flow too readily
They do not stop
They do not pause
They see no reason to
There is no reason to
The pain remains, ever as strong
We stand here today
Because we acknowledge
The loss of your presence
And we acknowledge
There is nothing we can do
But pay homage and rejoice in
Our only true joy
We knew you
You graced our world
You taught us

And the angels are calling

I must go away

Wait for me here

Silently stay

And don’t ask me why

Only believe

this is no goodbye.

Piece of My Heart

By Daniel Montrey

Today we all say goodbye,

No answers or good reason

Just the thougth of why

No first steps, or being awaken by your cries late at night

No grumbles, about the size of you appetite

No fights over whose turn it is,

Mine, hers, one of the kids

No bottle washers, baby wipes, or grandma luvs me bibs

No teething rings, or little thing, that can cause you harm

Just left to ponder about what might have been

although our time was biref, today I lose a friend

I was told that God picks angels to sit by His side

I know when he picked you, he had to have cried

A Light taken before it had a chance to shine

It was said you needed a better heart

Well today you take a piece of mine.

Please stay in my heart and mind Boo, give us strength to move forward and please come visit me when you have time.

Love Daddy!

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

A few more weeks go by and I feel like a lifetime of change as come and gone and momentum lost and gained again, but still find myself lost trying frantically to reach the top of a falling rope ladder that has is just about to come loose from the side of the cliff. With each rung, I grasp….grasp…grasp….only to find myself amazingly no where near the top. (good news: it seems to be attached to something). Ninety days has come and gone since Boo left his world to go play in the garden of god or become a strong, persistent, “Koa” of a whale in the ocean or has found his soul resurrected in a new body here on earth to help spread joy and happiness to more… I just never, never, never will know. I like to think it has a little bit to do with all three so maybe that is what’s good for me to believe? You, know to help me reach the top of the falling ladder?

See the passing of a love one will do that to you, make you think, maybe make you think to much?  See i think it makes you think too much about yourself!  Let me tell you something there is a fiiiiine line to “learning” about yourself and “thinking” about yourself. I’ve done a lot of both… the problem with that is you sometime forget about others…sometime even about the one you are grieving for.

So over the last month I started to realize I learned a few things about myself  like…. I’m stronger than I thought, but much weaker than you think.     I really think that i could of been a pretty good car salesman, just at a different time in my life.      I miss my son and he was everything to me.         I was a great dad.  I surrounded myself with an amazing core of people, including my wife, family and friends (especially  my wife, who I would of fallen much harder if it wasn’t for her).

Also over the last month I thought about me a lot… here is what I thought and am thinking…. I think about what other people think too much.   I think that I might be loosing touch on who I am anymore because I think i don’t know what to do with my life with out my son.     I think I don’t know what the hell i am writing about half the time I write on this blog anymore? I think this is helping me? I think, I think, I think life would be much better if you didn’t think about yourself so much.

Hmmmmmmmmm……….Hmmmmmmmmmmm…….WOW………………..when I think about it….. I think I might have just made a little sense…… just a sec, let me think abou………. ooooohhhhh.. you know what I am trying to say!

So what to do when you don’t want to think any more?     Go out and get a new job and take a roadtrip!

Yea that’s right, I quit my job where self thinking was a job requirement and went back to what I know and can do well… mingle and be social, how do you do that, well through fine intervention (thanks Boo).  I found a new job managing at a very successful restaurant downtown, called Marlowe’s and am working with some old friends. It’s been a bit of a change, but all for the good and I am excited to have this wonderful opportunity.

So to celebrate, Deni and I decided to run off to San Francisco to see some old and very GOOD friends.  Deni got the chance to max and relax in a nice hotel with her good highschool friends, Alyssa and Simone… I on the other hand jetted across the bay to “Hang with the Hunter’s” Rachael, Jeff, James and of course “Little Lilly” it was a joy to hang out with them, I hadn’t seen them since shortly after Carter’s service and they are such very, very good people who always fill my life with well “life”   Hunter took me out on the town, and low and behold there was Jilly Mac and we watched us some great music, drank some beers and just let thoughts and time melt away, if only for a few days, it felt like an eternity. I just wanted to thank you all for hosting us both it was so much fun.   I wish i had some photos to post, but still one thing I haven’t been too hot on lately. I guess I don’t have much motivation to document this time in my life….at least not yet, but I think that will come soon.

With all good times, they must come to an end, and I’m not going to lie… coming back was hard, harder than it ever has coming back from a trip. I think there was some guilt and sorrow that brought me down a little harder…. but Im still working on that…until next time.

Remember…. Daddy and Mommyfizz love you Boo and misses you everyday!