Meet Carter

It’s so hard to let go! To think that for as long as I live I won’t be able to hold you in my arms again is so hard to fathom. You were everything to me, you were my life, and then you were gone. Everyday I wish for your strength because my grief of loosing you, makes me think about you more than ever. It’s amazing how many things in a day remind me of you. Unfortunately these are memories now…and some our very painful, but I am trying to think of our joyful times (I ask you for the strength little Boo to help me think of the joyful times more please)… the little boys I see out with their dads & moms; a Jack Johnson song; a diaper commercial; the smell of baby wipes; your swing in the backyard; your little Poo bear; my mom; your mom; our house; your clothes; your toys; your pictures; your voice; your smell; friends having babies; friends with babies; the sound of an abulance siren; blue eyes; beautiful smiles; playing ball; your dogs Oz & “Barkie”; Sundays (they will never be the same); football; kisses; crying; car seats; strollers…. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think about you every day, every hour, every minute, every second…. I can only tell you again how much I miss you and again how much I love you… I hope that I will be able to turn this love and expressions of gratitude for the joy that you brought me the past three years into something that will make you proud of me… for right now I am a little lost without you. Daddy Love You Boo! 

I put this together for Carter’s service.  I’ve been meaning to post this for sometime, finally got to it.

I wanted to post these beautiful lyrics to the song by Dave Matthews “My Baby Blue”. The first time I heard this song I thought he created this song for me. I knew immediately that I would hear this song at my son’s service…I love and miss you so much, that I just can’t stand it!!!! I would do anything to hold my Boo again and hear him say “Dada!” again. Trying to find the strength to move forward, but its so hard to move forward when all you want to do is go backwards.

My Baby Blue by Dave Matthews…

Confess your kiss
Still knocks me off my legs.
The first time I saw you
Was like a punch right through my chest.

I will forever, ’cause you forever be,
My one true broken heart.
Pieces inside of me.
And you forever, baby.

You will, rest your head,
Your strength won’t save anything.
When you wake, you will fly away
Holding tight to the legs of all your angles.

Goodbye my love,
Into your blue, blue eyes.
Your blue, blue world.
You’re my baby blue.

Come fast I’m not quite
Ready to be left.
Still I know I gave my love all the best.
You give, you give to this I can attest.

You made me, you made me,
You and me forever baby.
You will rest your head.
Your strength won’t save me.
And when you wake,
You will fly away
Holding tight to the legs of all your angels.

Goodbye, my love.
Into your blue, blue eyes,
In your blue, blue world.

You and me forever.

“You and me forever”  We love you Boo!

If I could reverse time...

I would go back to the day you were born.

I would go to every day you smiled and showed me your baby blue eyes.

I would take that extra day off to be with you.

If I could erase time…

I would erase all the memories of you in pain.

I would erase all the memories I have with out you.

I would erase all the times my anger of your illness made me blind

for special uniqueness of life and love you brought to us.

If I could change the past…

I guess I wouldn’t.

Because you were brought here for a reason….

to be you…My Boo, an earthly angel of love, strength, courage and inspiration.

No matter the Time we spent together it was special to me, and forever will be.

My Boo…. Daddy Loves You!